Life Updates

House:  We are set to close on our house (the one I posted about on Feb. 2) on March 11!  In less than two weeks, we will be the owners of a WHOLE BUILDING.  Wow.  We just bought a new (well, "new" to us) dining set today, as we had no stable chairs and needed a china cabinet in which to store our dishes.  We plan to "camp-out" in the house for a few weeks while we clean it, paint most of the rooms, and lay tile in the kitchen and the basement den.  It's so much easier to do all that stuff before there's a lot of furniture to work around... or so we've heard.

Fertility/Kids:  I took Round 5 of Clomid last week.  Still at 100mg.  I'm staying fairly positive by reminding myself how difficult it would be to move during first trimester exhaustion....



I did contact the Agape social worker in Birmingham yesterday to let her know we were interested in becoming foster parents.  She replied today with an application and let me know that training classes could start as early as the end of March!  Training would be 10 weeks, and I assume the home-study would also happen during that time.  We could be only a few months away from caring for one of God's precious children!



And last but not least....

The other week I went to Curves as usual, only to find over 30 pages from Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition plastered all over the mirror.  I immediately felt my face get hot.  It was distracting to work out with all those women staring seductively off their pages, especially while realizing how many men would be lusting over the same pictures in their own copies.  How many men would fall into the deep pit of s*xual addiction because of these pictures?  Almost everyone I know who's struggled with p*rnography began their battle with photos more innocent than these--undergarment advertisements in catalogs, etc.--yet here they were, in public, put up in a business founded by Christians and run by Christians.  I just got angrier and angrier, while the women around me chuckled and thought of it as a joke.  How could I say anything?  I'm already quite an anomaly there (and everywhere else, for that matter), and I didn't want to ruin anybody's fun.  So I left.



But I didn't stop thinking about it.  I went back on Friday, determined to explain how offensive those images were to me in as loving but firm a way as possible, and they were gone.  I was relieved, but I still felt like I needed to pursue the subject.  Before I could, I heard people discussing it already.  Apparently someone else had quite firmly but also quite unlovingly said how they didn't want to feel pressured to look like those perfectly airbrushed seductresses, especially not while working out, so take them down or else.  I threw in my two cents, mentioning how they had been rather offensive on a moral level (though not in those words exactly), and my view was immediately dismissed.  I went to the bathroom and started crying.  I couldn't help it; it's a very sensitive subject for me.  I came out, reminding myself that many people just don't understand the effects those images can and do have on the majority of men (and women, and their families), determined to continue my work-out, but the sweet lady who works there could tell something was wrong, and realized that her words had hurt me.  I explained things more fully, and she was truly sorry for it.



I left that night feeling better about the whole thing, but also quite discouraged.  If older, Christian women can't see the damage that even soft-core p*rn has done and continues to do to our men, what hope do we have?  What do you do in situations like this, when someone offends your morals unintentionally and/or is completely unaware of the sin which they are encouraging?

Life Updates

House:  We are set to close on our house (the one I posted about on Feb. 2) on March 11!  In less than two weeks, we will be the owners of a WHOLE BUILDING.  Wow.  We just bought a new (well, "new" to us) dining set today, as we had no stable chairs and needed a china cabinet in which to store our dishes.  We plan to "camp-out" in the house for a few weeks while we clean it, paint most of the rooms, and lay tile in the kitchen and the basement den.  It's so much easier to do all that stuff before there's a lot of furniture to work around... or so we've heard.

Fertility/Kids:  I took Round 5 of Clomid last week.  Still at 100mg.  I'm staying fairly positive by reminding myself how difficult it would be to move during first trimester exhaustion....



I did contact the Agape social worker in Birmingham yesterday to let her know we were interested in becoming foster parents.  She replied today with an application and let me know that training classes could start as early as the end of March!  Training would be 10 weeks, and I assume the home-study would also happen during that time.  We could be only a few months away from caring for one of God's precious children!



And last but not least....

The other week I went to Curves as usual, only to find over 30 pages from Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition plastered all over the mirror.  I immediately felt my face get hot.  It was distracting to work out with all those women staring seductively off their pages, especially while realizing how many men would be lusting over the same pictures in their own copies.  How many men would fall into the deep pit of s*xual addiction because of these pictures?  Almost everyone I know who's struggled with p*rnography began their battle with photos more innocent than these--undergarment advertisements in catalogs, etc.--yet here they were, in public, put up in a business founded by Christians and run by Christians.  I just got angrier and angrier, while the women around me chuckled and thought of it as a joke.  How could I say anything?  I'm already quite an anomaly there (and everywhere else, for that matter), and I didn't want to ruin anybody's fun.  So I left.



But I didn't stop thinking about it.  I went back on Friday, determined to explain how offensive those images were to me in as loving but firm a way as possible, and they were gone.  I was relieved, but I still felt like I needed to pursue the subject.  Before I could, I heard people discussing it already.  Apparently someone else had quite firmly but also quite unlovingly said how they didn't want to feel pressured to look like those perfectly airbrushed seductresses, especially not while working out, so take them down or else.  I threw in my two cents, mentioning how they had been rather offensive on a moral level (though not in those words exactly), and my view was immediately dismissed.  I went to the bathroom and started crying.  I couldn't help it; it's a very sensitive subject for me.  I came out, reminding myself that many people just don't understand the effects those images can and do have on the majority of men (and women, and their families), determined to continue my work-out, but the sweet lady who works there could tell something was wrong, and realized that her words had hurt me.  I explained things more fully, and she was truly sorry for it.



I left that night feeling better about the whole thing, but also quite discouraged.  If older, Christian women can't see the damage that even soft-core p*rn has done and continues to do to our men, what hope do we have?  What do you do in situations like this, when someone offends your morals unintentionally and/or is completely unaware of the sin which they are encouraging?

Change is only the beginning of a new adventure...

On December 15, 2010, I wrote in my prayer journal:

I pray today about Trevvor's work.  Bless the work of his hands and may it bring him a measure of fulfillment at the end of each day.  Show him what Your work is for him and give him the strength and courage to do it.  Teach him to do all that he does for Your glory alone.  Let him be content with the job he has if it is Your will for him.  Show me how I can best help and support him in this area, Father.

The next day, I asked for the same things, adding:

If this job is Your will for him, let him find fulfillment, contentment, and even enjoyment in it.  If it is not Your will, then direct him to where You want him to be at the proper time.

I need to stop being surprised when God answers prayers in BIG ways, because about two weeks later, Trevvor got a call from PricewaterhouseCoopers, the Big 4 international accounting firm that he'd interned for in Birmingham last spring.



They wanted to offer him a position as a first year associate, starting ASAP.



Last spring he had an opportunity to have a position there starting this coming fall, but first he would need to do a 12-month masters' degree program in tax accounting and then sit for the CPA exam.  He didn't relish the idea of going straight back to school, and wanted to try management accounting for a while (which he's been doing since last summer here in Huntsville), so he turned down the position at that time.



But apparently things have changed, both on their side and ours.  On our side, Trevvor was realizing that he enjoyed tax accounting much more than management accounting.  On their side, they needed an incoming associate with or without a masters' degree and a CPA.  Trevvor was their first choice, despite not having either of these.



Long story short, a few days after the initial call, Trevvor accepted the position.  Since then, we've kept busy by interviewing (and now training) replacements for his position at my dad's company and traveling the hour and a half to Birmingham once a week to look at houses.



It has certainly been an adjustment, shifting my future plans from a Huntsville local (close to my family and high school friends) to a Birmingham one.  To make things more difficult, only two months ago did we place membership at a wonderful church of Christ right down the road from us, and now we'll have to begin the "church search" all over again!  *sigh*



But overall, we are sure that this is a very positive move (literally and figuratively) for us.  Trevvor is thrilled about his upcoming job--which starts February 7, a week from today--and I am so proud of him.  I'm mostly excited about buying a house:  it will be so wonderful to call a place "home" for more than a year or two!  (On the housing note, we think we may have found one we'd like to place an offer on, but we're seeing it for a second time this afternoon before doing so.)



In conclusion, keep us in your prayers as we make this transition.  It will be hard for my family, especially since they've been used to having us right down the stairs for the better part of a year now.  And buying a house, moving, and being a tax accountant at this time of year can all be stressful things.  But with your prayers and support, we can handle it.

Change is only the beginning of a new adventure...

On December 15, 2010, I wrote in my prayer journal:

I pray today about Trevvor's work.  Bless the work of his hands and may it bring him a measure of fulfillment at the end of each day.  Show him what Your work is for him and give him the strength and courage to do it.  Teach him to do all that he does for Your glory alone.  Let him be content with the job he has if it is Your will for him.  Show me how I can best help and support him in this area, Father.

The next day, I asked for the same things, adding:

If this job is Your will for him, let him find fulfillment, contentment, and even enjoyment in it.  If it is not Your will, then direct him to where You want him to be at the proper time.

I need to stop being surprised when God answers prayers in BIG ways, because about two weeks later, Trevvor got a call from PricewaterhouseCoopers, the Big 4 international accounting firm that he'd interned for in Birmingham last spring.



They wanted to offer him a position as a first year associate, starting ASAP.



Last spring he had an opportunity to have a position there starting this coming fall, but first he would need to do a 12-month masters' degree program in tax accounting and then sit for the CPA exam.  He didn't relish the idea of going straight back to school, and wanted to try management accounting for a while (which he's been doing since last summer here in Huntsville), so he turned down the position at that time.



But apparently things have changed, both on their side and ours.  On our side, Trevvor was realizing that he enjoyed tax accounting much more than management accounting.  On their side, they needed an incoming associate with or without a masters' degree and a CPA.  Trevvor was their first choice, despite not having either of these.



Long story short, a few days after the initial call, Trevvor accepted the position.  Since then, we've kept busy by interviewing (and now training) replacements for his position at my dad's company and traveling the hour and a half to Birmingham once a week to look at houses.



It has certainly been an adjustment, shifting my future plans from a Huntsville local (close to my family and high school friends) to a Birmingham one.  To make things more difficult, only two months ago did we place membership at a wonderful church of Christ right down the road from us, and now we'll have to begin the "church search" all over again!  *sigh*



But overall, we are sure that this is a very positive move (literally and figuratively) for us.  Trevvor is thrilled about his upcoming job--which starts February 7, a week from today--and I am so proud of him.  I'm mostly excited about buying a house:  it will be so wonderful to call a place "home" for more than a year or two!  (On the housing note, we think we may have found one we'd like to place an offer on, but we're seeing it for a second time this afternoon before doing so.)



In conclusion, keep us in your prayers as we make this transition.  It will be hard for my family, especially since they've been used to having us right down the stairs for the better part of a year now.  And buying a house, moving, and being a tax accountant at this time of year can all be stressful things.  But with your prayers and support, we can handle it.

Fertility.

I am trusting the Lord with my fertility.



But I'm learning that that means more than simply going off birth control and expecting God to send us a baby ASAP.  For some of us, it means waiting.  And waiting.  And praying, then more waiting.  And that is hard.  I'm not waiting very patiently.  I'm spiritually tapping my foot and thinking, "All right, Father.  I did my part.  Now You do Yours!"



I didn't expect we'd conceive in the first few months.  I've always known there was something a little off with my fertility.  So this past spring I had some blood work done, which discovered I have hypothyroidism, which means my thyroid under-produces hormones.  So I went on medication, assuming that would fix the problem, normalize my body, and lead to the ability to conceive.  Yet over half a year later, there has still been no unaided ovulation.



To realize that my body is broken and not functioning healthily is quite a downer, to put it lightly.  I don't ovulate.  Without medical assistance, at least at this point in time, I can't conceive a child.  Conception is so tightly tied into a woman's identity--my identity--that this fact hit me pretty hard, and it's something I struggle with every day.



Those dark questions pop into my mind unbidden, "Does God not think I'm good enough to be a mother?"  "Is this punishment for a sin in my past?"  "Don't I deserve a baby--why won't He give me one?"  Questions such as these lead only to bitterness and depression, and so I attempt to smother them before they can grow... but with every negative test and every lab result which shows no ovulation has occurred, they return all too quickly.



But then I remind myself that the Lord knows infinitely more and better than I do; He loves me, and He will do what is best for me (even if I can't understand it right now).

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Stories like Hannah's in 1 Samuel 1 give me encouragement:  God hears the prayers of us barren women.  I am not alone in my struggle; the wives of the great patriarchs of Israel--Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel--were barren also.  According to Proverbs, the barren womb will never say "enough" (30:16).  The psalmist says that

"He grants the barren woman a home, / Like a joyful mother of children" (Psalm 113:9).  

Barrenness is not uncommon among God's people.  I am not unloved; I am not less worthy than others who bear children; I am not being punished.  Thus far it has simply not been in God's plan for me to bear children.

So I have gone off of birth control and prayed for babies, for the Lord to open my womb.  But thanks to medical advances of late, not only can we prevent conception, we can also encourage or even cause it.  So for us the question became, "How far are we willing to go to medically encourage conception?" 



With this ever in mind, I have been taking Clomid--which is used to induce ovulation--for two months now.  We prayed about this for many weeks before deciding to use it, wondering if we were "going too far" to mess with my fertility.   God spoke through some close friends who reminded me that I need to do what I can to make my body healthy and able to bear children.  Not ovulating is not healthy whether you're trying to conceive or not!  Whether or not conception occurs is still completely in the Lord's hands, but if He chooses to cause it to happen, my body will be ready.



In closing, I ask all of you to please pray for Trevvor and I, this week especially.  Clomid has some rough side-effects, especially moodiness and crankiness (Trevvor's had to put up with a lot these past months).  And, more importantly, at some point in the next few days ovulation will occur, and if it is God's plan, we will be blessed with one of His greatest blessings.

Fertility.

I am trusting the Lord with my fertility.



But I'm learning that that means more than simply going off birth control and expecting God to send us a baby ASAP.  For some of us, it means waiting.  And waiting.  And praying, then more waiting.  And that is hard.  I'm not waiting very patiently.  I'm spiritually tapping my foot and thinking, "All right, Father.  I did my part.  Now You do Yours!"



I didn't expect we'd conceive in the first few months.  I've always known there was something a little off with my fertility.  So this past spring I had some blood work done, which discovered I have hypothyroidism, which means my thyroid under-produces hormones.  So I went on medication, assuming that would fix the problem, normalize my body, and lead to the ability to conceive.  Yet over half a year later, there has still been no unaided ovulation.



To realize that my body is broken and not functioning healthily is quite a downer, to put it lightly.  I don't ovulate.  Without medical assistance, at least at this point in time, I can't conceive a child.  Conception is so tightly tied into a woman's identity--my identity--that this fact hit me pretty hard, and it's something I struggle with every day.



Those dark questions pop into my mind unbidden, "Does God not think I'm good enough to be a mother?"  "Is this punishment for a sin in my past?"  "Don't I deserve a baby--why won't He give me one?"  Questions such as these lead only to bitterness and depression, and so I attempt to smother them before they can grow... but with every negative test and every lab result which shows no ovulation has occurred, they return all too quickly.



But then I remind myself that the Lord knows infinitely more and better than I do; He loves me, and He will do what is best for me (even if I can't understand it right now).

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Stories like Hannah's in 1 Samuel 1 give me encouragement:  God hears the prayers of us barren women.  I am not alone in my struggle; the wives of the great patriarchs of Israel--Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel--were barren also.  According to Proverbs, the barren womb will never say "enough" (30:16).  The psalmist says that

"He grants the barren woman a home, / Like a joyful mother of children" (Psalm 113:9).  

Barrenness is not uncommon among God's people.  I am not unloved; I am not less worthy than others who bear children; I am not being punished.  Thus far it has simply not been in God's plan for me to bear children.

So I have gone off of birth control and prayed for babies, for the Lord to open my womb.  But thanks to medical advances of late, not only can we prevent conception, we can also encourage or even cause it.  So for us the question became, "How far are we willing to go to medically encourage conception?" 



With this ever in mind, I have been taking Clomid--which is used to induce ovulation--for two months now.  We prayed about this for many weeks before deciding to use it, wondering if we were "going too far" to mess with my fertility.   God spoke through some close friends who reminded me that I need to do what I can to make my body healthy and able to bear children.  Not ovulating is not healthy whether you're trying to conceive or not!  Whether or not conception occurs is still completely in the Lord's hands, but if He chooses to cause it to happen, my body will be ready.



In closing, I ask all of you to please pray for Trevvor and I, this week especially.  Clomid has some rough side-effects, especially moodiness and crankiness (Trevvor's had to put up with a lot these past months).  And, more importantly, at some point in the next few days ovulation will occur, and if it is God's plan, we will be blessed with one of His greatest blessings.