When people find out we don't use birth control not only because we're ready for kids but because we're morally opposed to it, we get some strange and varied responses. This doesn't surprise me given that two years ago--when I was taking the Pill myself--I would have been slightly offended if someone made that statement, no matter how gently it was worded. I thought the Duggars were crazy. Families were huge if they had more than four children. I was sure the Pope was dead wrong on the birth control issue (ironically, now it's one of the few things he and I would agree upon).
But things change.
I came to realize that when I said, "Sure, babies are a blessing from God," I would silently add, But not all the time. I had taken a disturbingly pro-choice stance on the issue, though I never would have admitted it. Babies are a blessing from God... if they're wanted. Sounds a whole lot like "Every child a wanted child," no?
Recently as I was clearing out my laptop's "My Documents" folder, I discovered a saved AIM conversation with Trevvor that occurred while I was studying in England in 2007. We were talking about our upcoming engagement and eventual marriage. And then, right in the middle of discussing the kind of family car we wanted to drive (he wanted a station wagon; I wanted a mini-van--we got the station wagon last summer), the conversation took this turn....
sncasto87: we're gonna have BABIES
futbolcampo: i'm still not quite sure how that will all work, but if you say so
sncasto87: well, we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it
futbolcampo: alright, sounds good
sncasto87: i'm not having a kid until we're 25 if i have anything to say in the matter
sncasto87: i'll make my womb refuse to reproduce
sncasto87: so it's a long way off, bud.
sncasto87: yey for BIRTH CONTROL.
Out of one side of my mouth, I was so excited about being the future mother of Trevvor's children... yet I wanted to graduate from college. And I wanted to go to grad school. And I wanted to work for a couple of years. And wouldn't it be nice if we were married for a while first, and maybe even settled in a house? Because I already knew that once I had babies I would stay at home--I'd always known that--but I wanted to have a "life" first. So I took the Pill, making my womb incapable of reproducing, just as I said I would. In my mind, babies wouldn't be a blessing at that time because I had things on my agenda I wanted to get done first. Never mind that God might have a different plan for me, and if that plan included babies then I was going against His will by taking birth control: babies were not an acceptable option and I would take measures to ensure that He didn't "bless" me with them.
Put in those terms, it sounds absurd, does it not?
If only I'd known how badly I would desire children three years later... and that I would struggle to have them... and be heartbroken. And this struggle in part thanks to the effects of the Pill I then praised! Irony of ironies.
And so I understand the view that people have of us "full-quiverers," as we're labeled. When I say that we don't believe birth control is biblical (that is to say, you cannot find an example of preventing the conception of a child written in a positive light; rather, you find story after story of children being sought-after blessings), I sometimes get responses like this:
"But what if the mother was raped?"
"But what if the parents aren't married?"
"But what if the mother is a young teenager?"
"But what if they already have many mouths to feed and they can't afford another?"
Though I more often get responses like this:
"But you need to be married for a few years first."
"But you should be done with college at least."
"But you need to have a financially good job."
"But it's best if you buy a house first."
"But student loans need to be paid off before adding the expense."
And on and on go the "reasons" for delaying having children, even when the parents are of age and married, and even when they have a safe place to live and a decent job that pays the necessary bills.
All of these "reasons" for not having children... I've said them myself at one point. But this is the world's view of having children--not God's. With God, children are always a blessing, never a curse--no, not even an "inconvenience." Does this mean the situation is always ideal or just what we want it to be? No. But God's ways are higher than our ways... and this is the topic for the next post.
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Showing posts with label birth-control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth-control. Show all posts
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Part I: Children are blessings from God... all the time.
When people find out we don't use birth control not only because we're ready for kids but because we're morally opposed to it, we get some strange and varied responses. This doesn't surprise me given that two years ago--when I was taking the Pill myself--I would have been slightly offended if someone made that statement, no matter how gently it was worded. I thought the Duggars were crazy. Families were huge if they had more than four children. I was sure the Pope was dead wrong on the birth control issue (ironically, now it's one of the few things he and I would agree upon).
But things change.
I came to realize that when I said, "Sure, babies are a blessing from God," I would silently add, But not all the time. I had taken a disturbingly pro-choice stance on the issue, though I never would have admitted it. Babies are a blessing from God... if they're wanted. Sounds a whole lot like "Every child a wanted child," no?
Recently as I was clearing out my laptop's "My Documents" folder, I discovered a saved AIM conversation with Trevvor that occurred while I was studying in England in 2007. We were talking about our upcoming engagement and eventual marriage. And then, right in the middle of discussing the kind of family car we wanted to drive (he wanted a station wagon; I wanted a mini-van--we got the station wagon last summer), the conversation took this turn....
sncasto87: we're gonna have BABIES
futbolcampo: i'm still not quite sure how that will all work, but if you say so
sncasto87: well, we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it
futbolcampo: alright, sounds good
sncasto87: i'm not having a kid until we're 25 if i have anything to say in the matter
sncasto87: i'll make my womb refuse to reproduce
sncasto87: so it's a long way off, bud.
sncasto87: yey for BIRTH CONTROL.
Out of one side of my mouth, I was so excited about being the future mother of Trevvor's children... yet I wanted to graduate from college. And I wanted to go to grad school. And I wanted to work for a couple of years. And wouldn't it be nice if we were married for a while first, and maybe even settled in a house? Because I already knew that once I had babies I would stay at home--I'd always known that--but I wanted to have a "life" first. So I took the Pill, making my womb incapable of reproducing, just as I said I would. In my mind, babies wouldn't be a blessing at that time because I had things on my agenda I wanted to get done first. Never mind that God might have a different plan for me, and if that plan included babies then I was going against His will by taking birth control: babies were not an acceptable option and I would take measures to ensure that He didn't "bless" me with them.
Put in those terms, it sounds absurd, does it not?
If only I'd known how badly I would desire children three years later... and that I would struggle to have them... and be heartbroken. And this struggle in part thanks to the effects of the Pill I then praised! Irony of ironies.
And so I understand the view that people have of us "full-quiverers," as we're labeled. When I say that we don't believe birth control is biblical (that is to say, you cannot find an example of preventing the conception of a child written in a positive light; rather, you find story after story of children being sought-after blessings), I sometimes get responses like this:
"But what if the mother was raped?"
"But what if the parents aren't married?"
"But what if the mother is a young teenager?"
"But what if they already have many mouths to feed and they can't afford another?"
Though I more often get responses like this:
"But you need to be married for a few years first."
"But you should be done with college at least."
"But you need to have a financially good job."
"But it's best if you buy a house first."
"But student loans need to be paid off before adding the expense."
And on and on go the "reasons" for delaying having children, even when the parents are of age and married, and even when they have a safe place to live and a decent job that pays the necessary bills.
All of these "reasons" for not having children... I've said them myself at one point. But this is the world's view of having children--not God's. With God, children are always a blessing, never a curse--no, not even an "inconvenience." Does this mean the situation is always ideal or just what we want it to be? No. But God's ways are higher than our ways... and this is the topic for the next post.
But things change.
I came to realize that when I said, "Sure, babies are a blessing from God," I would silently add, But not all the time. I had taken a disturbingly pro-choice stance on the issue, though I never would have admitted it. Babies are a blessing from God... if they're wanted. Sounds a whole lot like "Every child a wanted child," no?
Recently as I was clearing out my laptop's "My Documents" folder, I discovered a saved AIM conversation with Trevvor that occurred while I was studying in England in 2007. We were talking about our upcoming engagement and eventual marriage. And then, right in the middle of discussing the kind of family car we wanted to drive (he wanted a station wagon; I wanted a mini-van--we got the station wagon last summer), the conversation took this turn....
sncasto87: we're gonna have BABIES
futbolcampo: i'm still not quite sure how that will all work, but if you say so
sncasto87: well, we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it
futbolcampo: alright, sounds good
sncasto87: i'm not having a kid until we're 25 if i have anything to say in the matter
sncasto87: i'll make my womb refuse to reproduce
sncasto87: so it's a long way off, bud.
sncasto87: yey for BIRTH CONTROL.
Out of one side of my mouth, I was so excited about being the future mother of Trevvor's children... yet I wanted to graduate from college. And I wanted to go to grad school. And I wanted to work for a couple of years. And wouldn't it be nice if we were married for a while first, and maybe even settled in a house? Because I already knew that once I had babies I would stay at home--I'd always known that--but I wanted to have a "life" first. So I took the Pill, making my womb incapable of reproducing, just as I said I would. In my mind, babies wouldn't be a blessing at that time because I had things on my agenda I wanted to get done first. Never mind that God might have a different plan for me, and if that plan included babies then I was going against His will by taking birth control: babies were not an acceptable option and I would take measures to ensure that He didn't "bless" me with them.
Put in those terms, it sounds absurd, does it not?
If only I'd known how badly I would desire children three years later... and that I would struggle to have them... and be heartbroken. And this struggle in part thanks to the effects of the Pill I then praised! Irony of ironies.
And so I understand the view that people have of us "full-quiverers," as we're labeled. When I say that we don't believe birth control is biblical (that is to say, you cannot find an example of preventing the conception of a child written in a positive light; rather, you find story after story of children being sought-after blessings), I sometimes get responses like this:
"But what if the mother was raped?"
"But what if the parents aren't married?"
"But what if the mother is a young teenager?"
"But what if they already have many mouths to feed and they can't afford another?"
Though I more often get responses like this:
"But you need to be married for a few years first."
"But you should be done with college at least."
"But you need to have a financially good job."
"But it's best if you buy a house first."
"But student loans need to be paid off before adding the expense."
And on and on go the "reasons" for delaying having children, even when the parents are of age and married, and even when they have a safe place to live and a decent job that pays the necessary bills.
All of these "reasons" for not having children... I've said them myself at one point. But this is the world's view of having children--not God's. With God, children are always a blessing, never a curse--no, not even an "inconvenience." Does this mean the situation is always ideal or just what we want it to be? No. But God's ways are higher than our ways... and this is the topic for the next post.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Baby Conference in Pictures
Me, Trevvor, and my brother Chris at the Alamo
Trevvor outside a cool nook at the Alamo
The panel on having a large family
Me and my mom with Michelle Duggar at the Ladies' Tea
The lovely Luci speaking ever so articulately on feminism
Luci and Jennie after their panel on being ladies against feminism
Luci and her husband Randall with Trevvor and I!
Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar and Doug & Beall Phillips after presenting Michelle with the Mother of the Year Award
I wish I'd taken more pictures! But I was too busy taking it all in, haha. I think my dad took a bunch, and I hope to get a CD from Vision Forum with more images as well. For those of you who also went, would you mind sharing some of your photos with me?
Also, I'm currently reading the Duggars' book, 20 and Counting! My mom and Trevvor have already read it and loved it. We were able to get it signed by Jim Bob and Michelle! Michelle included her favorite verse, II Cor. 12:9, and Jim Bob wrote, "Be fruitful and multiply!"
For those of you who want the book, use the linked image below! It will help you, the Duggars, VF, and me! ;)
The Baby Conference in Pictures
Me, Trevvor, and my brother Chris at the Alamo
Trevvor outside a cool nook at the Alamo
The panel on having a large family
Me and my mom with Michelle Duggar at the Ladies' Tea
The lovely Luci speaking ever so articulately on feminism
Luci and Jennie after their panel on being ladies against feminism
Luci and her husband Randall with Trevvor and I!
Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar and Doug & Beall Phillips after presenting Michelle with the Mother of the Year Award
I wish I'd taken more pictures! But I was too busy taking it all in, haha. I think my dad took a bunch, and I hope to get a CD from Vision Forum with more images as well. For those of you who also went, would you mind sharing some of your photos with me?
Also, I'm currently reading the Duggars' book, 20 and Counting! My mom and Trevvor have already read it and loved it. We were able to get it signed by Jim Bob and Michelle! Michelle included her favorite verse, II Cor. 12:9, and Jim Bob wrote, "Be fruitful and multiply!"
For those of you who want the book, use the linked image below! It will help you, the Duggars, VF, and me! ;)
Friday, July 16, 2010
Baby Blurbs
We returned from the Baby Conference this past Monday, and I keep meaning to sit down and write a long, reflective post on how wonderful it was, how inspiring and encouraging all the speakers were, how lovely it was to be surrounded by like-minded families.... Obviously this hasn't happened, so I thought I'd just write a couple of blurbs from the week instead, hopefully with more to come later.
First, thank you for telling me about yourselves on my last post! It was great to get all those comments and find out a little more about my readers. Btw, I LOVE getting comments, so don't feel like you need to wait until I ask to give them! ;)
Like I've already said, the Baby Conference was such a blessing. We were able to hang out with Luci and Randall quite a bit and get to know this awesome couple better. It was so great being able to see Luci speak with Jennie Chancey! She did splendidly, and really conveyed some much needed info to the audience. It was also wonderful meeting up with some friends I'd met at the Father & Daughter Retreat, and of course getting to meet lots of like-minded families (and then hold their babies)! I even met a lady and her family who I'd found only a few days before on an online home-steading forum!
If I had to pick a favorite thing about the conference, I think I would pick the fellowship with all the Christ-followers. That's just something "radicals" like us don't get very often, and I can't tell you how encouraged we were just by seeing these other families who were following the straight and narrow path. Of course the speakers were wonderfully articulate and inspirational (and, most importantly, scriptural), but you can get that on CDs--and in fact, we did. But at conferences like these, you go for the fellowship, the communion with like-minded Christians who are willing to be extremely counter-cultural in order to follow Christ.
I encourage you to visit Vision Forum Ministries and read about the Baby Conference topics. I encourage you even more strongly to consider purchasing the CDs (today is the last day of their introductory special). I can't re-tell the messages better than they were told from the stage, though I will probably be visiting some of those topics in the near future on the blog.
On a similar note, I've been reading a great book this week (courtesy of Luci!) that I highly recommend called Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies (as if I need any inspiration). It's by Steve and Candice Watters. SYF isn't quite as "extreme" as Be Fruitful and Multiply (which I highly recommend as well). Because of this, it is ideal to introduce more mainstream Christians to the almost-forgotten-in-evangelical-churches idea that children are a blessing from the Lord. The Watters examine common fertility myths and reasons many couples delay children, and then give a compelling but fair look at why this is unnecessary, using statistics, anecdotes and most importantly Scripture in their conversational (and controversial) argument.
In their closing chapter, they include a quote from J.R. Miller's book Home-Making which I found particularly inspirational, and with which I will close:
First, thank you for telling me about yourselves on my last post! It was great to get all those comments and find out a little more about my readers. Btw, I LOVE getting comments, so don't feel like you need to wait until I ask to give them! ;)
If I had to pick a favorite thing about the conference, I think I would pick the fellowship with all the Christ-followers. That's just something "radicals" like us don't get very often, and I can't tell you how encouraged we were just by seeing these other families who were following the straight and narrow path. Of course the speakers were wonderfully articulate and inspirational (and, most importantly, scriptural), but you can get that on CDs--and in fact, we did. But at conferences like these, you go for the fellowship, the communion with like-minded Christians who are willing to be extremely counter-cultural in order to follow Christ.
I encourage you to visit Vision Forum Ministries and read about the Baby Conference topics. I encourage you even more strongly to consider purchasing the CDs (today is the last day of their introductory special). I can't re-tell the messages better than they were told from the stage, though I will probably be visiting some of those topics in the near future on the blog.
In their closing chapter, they include a quote from J.R. Miller's book Home-Making which I found particularly inspirational, and with which I will close:
It is a new marriage when the first-born enters the home. It draws the wedded lives together in a closeness they have never known before. It touches chords in their hearts that have lain silent until now. It calls out powers that have never been exercised before. Hitherto unsuspected beauties of character appear. The laughing heedless girl of a year ago is transformed into a thoughtful woman. The careless, unsettled youth leaps into manly strength and into fixedness of character when he looks into the face of his own child and takes it in his bosom.
New aims rise up before the young parents; new impulses begin to stir in their hearts. Life takes on at once a new and deeper meaning. The glimpse they have had into its solemn mystery sobers them. The laying in their hands of a new and sacred burden, an immortal life, to be guided and trained by them, brings them to a sense of responsibility that makes them thoughtful. Self is no longer the centre. There is a new object to live for, and object great enough to fill all their life and engross their highest powers.
Baby Blurbs
We returned from the Baby Conference this past Monday, and I keep meaning to sit down and write a long, reflective post on how wonderful it was, how inspiring and encouraging all the speakers were, how lovely it was to be surrounded by like-minded families.... Obviously this hasn't happened, so I thought I'd just write a couple of blurbs from the week instead, hopefully with more to come later.
First, thank you for telling me about yourselves on my last post! It was great to get all those comments and find out a little more about my readers. Btw, I LOVE getting comments, so don't feel like you need to wait until I ask to give them! ;)
Like I've already said, the Baby Conference was such a blessing. We were able to hang out with Luci and Randall quite a bit and get to know this awesome couple better. It was so great being able to see Luci speak with Jennie Chancey! She did splendidly, and really conveyed some much needed info to the audience. It was also wonderful meeting up with some friends I'd met at the Father & Daughter Retreat, and of course getting to meet lots of like-minded families (and then hold their babies)! I even met a lady and her family who I'd found only a few days before on an online home-steading forum!
If I had to pick a favorite thing about the conference, I think I would pick the fellowship with all the Christ-followers. That's just something "radicals" like us don't get very often, and I can't tell you how encouraged we were just by seeing these other families who were following the straight and narrow path. Of course the speakers were wonderfully articulate and inspirational (and, most importantly, scriptural), but you can get that on CDs--and in fact, we did. But at conferences like these, you go for the fellowship, the communion with like-minded Christians who are willing to be extremely counter-cultural in order to follow Christ.
I encourage you to visit Vision Forum Ministries and read about the Baby Conference topics. I encourage you even more strongly to consider purchasing the CDs (today is the last day of their introductory special). I can't re-tell the messages better than they were told from the stage, though I will probably be visiting some of those topics in the near future on the blog.
On a similar note, I've been reading a great book this week (courtesy of Luci!) that I highly recommend called Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies (as if I need any inspiration). It's by Steve and Candice Watters. SYF isn't quite as "extreme" as Be Fruitful and Multiply (which I highly recommend as well). Because of this, it is ideal to introduce more mainstream Christians to the almost-forgotten-in-evangelical-churches idea that children are a blessing from the Lord. The Watters examine common fertility myths and reasons many couples delay children, and then give a compelling but fair look at why this is unnecessary, using statistics, anecdotes and most importantly Scripture in their conversational (and controversial) argument.
In their closing chapter, they include a quote from J.R. Miller's book Home-Making which I found particularly inspirational, and with which I will close:
First, thank you for telling me about yourselves on my last post! It was great to get all those comments and find out a little more about my readers. Btw, I LOVE getting comments, so don't feel like you need to wait until I ask to give them! ;)
If I had to pick a favorite thing about the conference, I think I would pick the fellowship with all the Christ-followers. That's just something "radicals" like us don't get very often, and I can't tell you how encouraged we were just by seeing these other families who were following the straight and narrow path. Of course the speakers were wonderfully articulate and inspirational (and, most importantly, scriptural), but you can get that on CDs--and in fact, we did. But at conferences like these, you go for the fellowship, the communion with like-minded Christians who are willing to be extremely counter-cultural in order to follow Christ.
I encourage you to visit Vision Forum Ministries and read about the Baby Conference topics. I encourage you even more strongly to consider purchasing the CDs (today is the last day of their introductory special). I can't re-tell the messages better than they were told from the stage, though I will probably be visiting some of those topics in the near future on the blog.
In their closing chapter, they include a quote from J.R. Miller's book Home-Making which I found particularly inspirational, and with which I will close:
It is a new marriage when the first-born enters the home. It draws the wedded lives together in a closeness they have never known before. It touches chords in their hearts that have lain silent until now. It calls out powers that have never been exercised before. Hitherto unsuspected beauties of character appear. The laughing heedless girl of a year ago is transformed into a thoughtful woman. The careless, unsettled youth leaps into manly strength and into fixedness of character when he looks into the face of his own child and takes it in his bosom.
New aims rise up before the young parents; new impulses begin to stir in their hearts. Life takes on at once a new and deeper meaning. The glimpse they have had into its solemn mystery sobers them. The laying in their hands of a new and sacred burden, an immortal life, to be guided and trained by them, brings them to a sense of responsibility that makes them thoughtful. Self is no longer the centre. There is a new object to live for, and object great enough to fill all their life and engross their highest powers.
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