Part I: Children are blessings from God... all the time.

When people find out we don't use birth control not only because we're ready for kids but because we're morally opposed to it, we get some strange and varied responses.  This doesn't surprise me given that two years ago--when I was taking the Pill myself--I would have been slightly offended if someone made that statement, no matter how gently it was worded.  I thought the Duggars were crazy.  Families were huge if they had more than four children.  I was sure the Pope was dead wrong on the birth control issue (ironically, now it's one of the few things he and I would agree upon).



But things change.



I came to realize that when I said, "Sure, babies are a blessing from God," I would silently add, But not all the time.  I had taken a disturbingly pro-choice stance on the issue, though I never would have admitted it.  Babies are a blessing from God... if they're wanted.  Sounds a whole lot like "Every child a wanted child," no?



Recently as I was clearing out my laptop's "My Documents" folder, I discovered a saved AIM conversation with Trevvor that occurred while I was studying in England in 2007.  We were talking about our upcoming engagement and eventual marriage.  And then, right in the middle of discussing the kind of family car we wanted to drive (he wanted a station wagon; I wanted a mini-van--we got the station wagon last summer), the conversation took this turn....



sncasto87: we're gonna have BABIES

futbolcampo: i'm still not quite sure how that will all work, but if you say so

sncasto87: well, we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it

futbolcampo: alright, sounds good

sncasto87: i'm not having a kid until we're 25 if i have anything to say in the matter

sncasto87: i'll make my womb refuse to reproduce

sncasto87: so it's a long way off, bud.

sncasto87: yey for BIRTH CONTROL.



Out of one side of my mouth, I was so excited about being the future mother of Trevvor's children... yet I wanted to graduate from college.  And I wanted to go to grad school.  And I wanted to work for a couple of years.  And wouldn't it be nice if we were married for a while first, and maybe even settled in a house?  Because I already knew that once I had babies I would stay at home--I'd always known that--but I wanted to have a "life" first.  So I took the Pill, making my womb incapable of reproducing, just as I said I would.  In my mind, babies wouldn't be a blessing at that time because I had things on my agenda I wanted to get done first.  Never mind that God might have a different plan for me, and if that plan included babies then I was going against His will by taking birth control:  babies were not an acceptable option and I would take measures to ensure that He didn't "bless" me with them.



Put in those terms, it sounds absurd, does it not?



If only I'd known how badly I would desire children three years later... and that I would struggle to have them... and be heartbroken.  And this struggle in part thanks to the effects of the Pill I then praised!  Irony of ironies.



And so I understand the view that people have of us "full-quiverers," as we're labeled.  When I say that we don't believe birth control is biblical (that is to say, you cannot find an example of preventing the conception of a child written in a positive light; rather, you find story after story of children being sought-after blessings), I sometimes get responses like this:



"But what if the mother was raped?"

"But what if the parents aren't married?"

"But what if the mother is a young teenager?"

"But what if they already have many mouths to feed and they can't afford another?"



Though I more often get responses like this:



"But you need to be married for a few years first."

"But you should be done with college at least."

"But you need to have a financially good job."

"But it's best if you buy a house first."

"But student loans need to be paid off before adding the expense."



And on and on go the "reasons" for delaying having children, even when the parents are of age and married, and even when they have a safe place to live and a decent job that pays the necessary bills.



All of these "reasons" for not having children... I've said them myself at one point.  But this is the world's view of having children--not God's.  With God, children are always a blessing, never a curse--no, not even an "inconvenience."  Does this mean the situation is always ideal or just what we want it to be?  No.  But God's ways are higher than our ways... and this is the topic for the next post.