As I mentioned, my father-in-law, Abbu, has visited America only once since my husband, M and I were married. And that was for our wedding, more than 7 years ago. I once wrote a post about his visits, and why I think he hasn't come back. Well, all that's about to change. I didn't want to jinx it by writing about it much beforehand, but he purchased a ticket.
But then he tried to back out of it. The government of Sindh, the province of Pakistan where Karachi is and where my in-laws live, was going to change their academic calendar at the very end of the year, with no notice. My father-in-law is a teacher and he didn't want to leave his students to a substitute teacher if the school year was going to be extended another month. Instead he wanted to shorten his trip to 20 days length. "M comes here for 20 days, I'm only staying there for 20 days - I have work too!" he said. The whole house was in turmoil for a week, but thankfully they changed their minds, didn't change the school schedule, and the fight died down. I still wasn't adding a plate to the dinner table just yet, though. I didn't know if he would really show up.
It seems now, though, that we've past the point of no return. Dulhan's brothers and sister have gone to M's family home in Karachi and helped Abbu pack up his luggage for America, they got him into their car, they drove him to the airport, helped him check in, and even had a friend of theirs who works in the airport escort him all the way to his gate. It seems like a done deal now. God willing, my father in law will arrive in America tomorrow evening.
Do you know that I have never - not once - cooked for my father-in-law? He's never, really, stepped foot in MY house. When he came before, I was a newlywed, moving into my husband's bachelor pad. Now he'll be in MY house, eating food I cooked. I feel a bit of pressure. They were even all telling me that he's a really picky eater! I think, though, that he might be picky or even critical of everyone else but I've never felt him to be critical of me, and neither has Dulhan. We think maybe he just gives his daughters-in-law a wide berth.
Here's what we're doing to prepare. I think the man needs a purpose. He works, he teaches, he does all the shopping. He needs to move around freely. We got him a bike. Actually, Dulhan really wanted a bike (even though she doesn't know how to ride a bike) so Chachoo bought her one. They picked a gender-neutral color so that when Abbu's here, he can use that bike. Dulhan's going to stop buying food. We have a local Pakistani owned butcher and spices shop and we're going to try asking Abbu to go to the store daily and buy the day's food needs. He can bike there are back in just a few minutes. He's also going to use his bike to go to the mosque as often as he likes, it's only 2 miles away from our house. We're also going to try having him conduct Urdu lessons with our son at regular timings.
At first he'll only stay here for four days, then we're going to take him to his daughter's - M's sister's house. She just recently had a new baby and that's mostly the occasion for his visit. My mother-in-law came back in March for the baby's birth, and now my father-in-law is joining her to visit the almost 3 month old. They also live near a mosque, within walking distance actually, but not really close enough to stores for him to go out. So we don't think he'll want to stay there more than 2 weeks, and then he'll come back here for a few more weeks and they'll return to Pakistan at the end of July.
Now, here's where I ask you for help. What other things can I do to ensure my active father-in-law stays happy during his visit to America. This is my one shot to prove to him that he could lead a happy, productive, active life here and not just be relegated to Urdu TV on the couch all week and following behind his son through the local Costco on weekends. (Though we did also purchase some Indo-Pak television service for their stay too!)
What else can we do to convince him besides Pakistani TV, a bike, and structured activities with the grandson. The only ground rules are that he can't work legally in the U.S., he's here on a visit visa only, and he doesn't drive (not even in Pakistan.)
Give me your best ideas! Please!
But then he tried to back out of it. The government of Sindh, the province of Pakistan where Karachi is and where my in-laws live, was going to change their academic calendar at the very end of the year, with no notice. My father-in-law is a teacher and he didn't want to leave his students to a substitute teacher if the school year was going to be extended another month. Instead he wanted to shorten his trip to 20 days length. "M comes here for 20 days, I'm only staying there for 20 days - I have work too!" he said. The whole house was in turmoil for a week, but thankfully they changed their minds, didn't change the school schedule, and the fight died down. I still wasn't adding a plate to the dinner table just yet, though. I didn't know if he would really show up.
It seems now, though, that we've past the point of no return. Dulhan's brothers and sister have gone to M's family home in Karachi and helped Abbu pack up his luggage for America, they got him into their car, they drove him to the airport, helped him check in, and even had a friend of theirs who works in the airport escort him all the way to his gate. It seems like a done deal now. God willing, my father in law will arrive in America tomorrow evening.
Do you know that I have never - not once - cooked for my father-in-law? He's never, really, stepped foot in MY house. When he came before, I was a newlywed, moving into my husband's bachelor pad. Now he'll be in MY house, eating food I cooked. I feel a bit of pressure. They were even all telling me that he's a really picky eater! I think, though, that he might be picky or even critical of everyone else but I've never felt him to be critical of me, and neither has Dulhan. We think maybe he just gives his daughters-in-law a wide berth.
Here's what we're doing to prepare. I think the man needs a purpose. He works, he teaches, he does all the shopping. He needs to move around freely. We got him a bike. Actually, Dulhan really wanted a bike (even though she doesn't know how to ride a bike) so Chachoo bought her one. They picked a gender-neutral color so that when Abbu's here, he can use that bike. Dulhan's going to stop buying food. We have a local Pakistani owned butcher and spices shop and we're going to try asking Abbu to go to the store daily and buy the day's food needs. He can bike there are back in just a few minutes. He's also going to use his bike to go to the mosque as often as he likes, it's only 2 miles away from our house. We're also going to try having him conduct Urdu lessons with our son at regular timings.
At first he'll only stay here for four days, then we're going to take him to his daughter's - M's sister's house. She just recently had a new baby and that's mostly the occasion for his visit. My mother-in-law came back in March for the baby's birth, and now my father-in-law is joining her to visit the almost 3 month old. They also live near a mosque, within walking distance actually, but not really close enough to stores for him to go out. So we don't think he'll want to stay there more than 2 weeks, and then he'll come back here for a few more weeks and they'll return to Pakistan at the end of July.
Now, here's where I ask you for help. What other things can I do to ensure my active father-in-law stays happy during his visit to America. This is my one shot to prove to him that he could lead a happy, productive, active life here and not just be relegated to Urdu TV on the couch all week and following behind his son through the local Costco on weekends. (Though we did also purchase some Indo-Pak television service for their stay too!)
What else can we do to convince him besides Pakistani TV, a bike, and structured activities with the grandson. The only ground rules are that he can't work legally in the U.S., he's here on a visit visa only, and he doesn't drive (not even in Pakistan.)
Give me your best ideas! Please!
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