Sara (no h!) from A little of that, too and The Big, Bad, Blonde Bahu wrote recently about her intercultual marriage dream home - a home that could fulfill the unique requirements of marriage to a desi. For me, that would mean something similar because both they and I share concerns about having in-laws live and/or have extended visits and balancing those in-laws against the American desire for privacy and closed, lockable doors. I too have an intercultural marriage dream home!
First, it's got to be BIG. My mian and I would like to have more kids, and even adopt some extra ones. These hordes of children won't be getting their own bedrooms though, so perhaps 3 or 4 bedrooms would just be for my own small nuclear family, depending on the number of kids.
Then, there's my husband's parents. They'll soon be living with us for 1/2 of each year, maybe more, and until then they still visit for months at a time. So they'll need their own room. My mother-in-law has had her hip replaced and also had an unfortunate accident years ago that led to a broken ankle, a difficult recovery, and a loss of some mobility. Basically, the Pakistani parents-in-law need a space on the main level, so that they can do all their daily stuff without needing to climb stairs. That means they have to be on the same level as the main living area, dining area, the kitchen, and the laundry facilities as well. On the main level we'll also need at least one guest room, because we have a lot of guests over.
That was my dream home as of a year ago, back before Chachoo and his wife moved into our house. Back then I saw their living with us while Chachoo finishes his graduate school as a temporary favor we'd be doing them. Now, though, I think it's so beneficial to live in an extended family situation that I wouldn't mind if we always lived together. So we're going to need extra space for them as well. And not just a single bedroom either because surely they're going to want to have children of their own soon. So I think we'll need to dedicate at least half of a very large basement to them so that they can have a master bedroom and at least two bedrooms for kids, a small kitchenette, perhaps a family room and at least two bathrooms. Preferably a walkout basement so they can have their own entrance and they won't have to deal with dampness or cold. And the basement should have it's own HVAC system too since they have different temperature preferences than I do.
The rest of the basement can be some kind of playroom or game room or something, I think. A movie theater?
All of my nuclear family will have bedrooms on the upper floor of the house, along with 2-3 bathrooms up there. There should also be a small open room in between all these so that our small family can have some time together if wanted. There's a close family friend I know who married an Iranian man and her house is set up similarly - they all slept upstairs and the MIL slept downstairs - and she says they all used to go upstairs and watch TV together and it was nice to have time just for the parents and their kids. I would like a place for us to do that too.
You know with that many people living in one house we're going to need a HUGE kitchen and a commercial range, oven and refrigerator. Maybe refrigerators - plural. Several sinks and at least two dishwashers. I wonder, now, about how many washers and dryers we'll need. We'll also need a dining room table and chairs to seat at least a dozen, depending on children, and even then no guests will ever be able to sit at our table unless its seats closer to 20 or more.
We're not even finished yet, though. We're going to need an outbuilding. First, my Mian is quite the hobby carpenter and when we were house-shopping our number one concern (seriously!) was whether he'd have enough space for his woodworking tools. We bought a house with a huge 2.5-almost-3 car garage and there's almost never been a car in it. It's just full of tools. So he's going to need a real, honest-to-goodness workshop and not just a garage in our dream home. Then we'll also need a garage - another outbuilding!
On top of his workshop, I'd like to build a little guest cottage for my own parents. They visit pretty often, and it's possible they might end up living with us one day too with the way their retirement planning has gone! They'll just need a bedroom, maybe another small room for an office, a living room and a small kitchen with an eat-in nook. Maybe their own little ambling driveway to the back.
Finish it off with a nice big deck, a small patio off to the side for bihari kabob grilling, and a big playset for all those children! Maybe a nice big garden both as a food source for all those mouths and something for my in-laws to enjoy and work on.
Now, if only I could find a job....for those not keeping track that figures out 9 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms, not including the American in-laws guest house.
First, it's got to be BIG. My mian and I would like to have more kids, and even adopt some extra ones. These hordes of children won't be getting their own bedrooms though, so perhaps 3 or 4 bedrooms would just be for my own small nuclear family, depending on the number of kids.
Then, there's my husband's parents. They'll soon be living with us for 1/2 of each year, maybe more, and until then they still visit for months at a time. So they'll need their own room. My mother-in-law has had her hip replaced and also had an unfortunate accident years ago that led to a broken ankle, a difficult recovery, and a loss of some mobility. Basically, the Pakistani parents-in-law need a space on the main level, so that they can do all their daily stuff without needing to climb stairs. That means they have to be on the same level as the main living area, dining area, the kitchen, and the laundry facilities as well. On the main level we'll also need at least one guest room, because we have a lot of guests over.
That was my dream home as of a year ago, back before Chachoo and his wife moved into our house. Back then I saw their living with us while Chachoo finishes his graduate school as a temporary favor we'd be doing them. Now, though, I think it's so beneficial to live in an extended family situation that I wouldn't mind if we always lived together. So we're going to need extra space for them as well. And not just a single bedroom either because surely they're going to want to have children of their own soon. So I think we'll need to dedicate at least half of a very large basement to them so that they can have a master bedroom and at least two bedrooms for kids, a small kitchenette, perhaps a family room and at least two bathrooms. Preferably a walkout basement so they can have their own entrance and they won't have to deal with dampness or cold. And the basement should have it's own HVAC system too since they have different temperature preferences than I do.
The rest of the basement can be some kind of playroom or game room or something, I think. A movie theater?
All of my nuclear family will have bedrooms on the upper floor of the house, along with 2-3 bathrooms up there. There should also be a small open room in between all these so that our small family can have some time together if wanted. There's a close family friend I know who married an Iranian man and her house is set up similarly - they all slept upstairs and the MIL slept downstairs - and she says they all used to go upstairs and watch TV together and it was nice to have time just for the parents and their kids. I would like a place for us to do that too.
You know with that many people living in one house we're going to need a HUGE kitchen and a commercial range, oven and refrigerator. Maybe refrigerators - plural. Several sinks and at least two dishwashers. I wonder, now, about how many washers and dryers we'll need. We'll also need a dining room table and chairs to seat at least a dozen, depending on children, and even then no guests will ever be able to sit at our table unless its seats closer to 20 or more.
We're not even finished yet, though. We're going to need an outbuilding. First, my Mian is quite the hobby carpenter and when we were house-shopping our number one concern (seriously!) was whether he'd have enough space for his woodworking tools. We bought a house with a huge 2.5-almost-3 car garage and there's almost never been a car in it. It's just full of tools. So he's going to need a real, honest-to-goodness workshop and not just a garage in our dream home. Then we'll also need a garage - another outbuilding!
On top of his workshop, I'd like to build a little guest cottage for my own parents. They visit pretty often, and it's possible they might end up living with us one day too with the way their retirement planning has gone! They'll just need a bedroom, maybe another small room for an office, a living room and a small kitchen with an eat-in nook. Maybe their own little ambling driveway to the back.
Finish it off with a nice big deck, a small patio off to the side for bihari kabob grilling, and a big playset for all those children! Maybe a nice big garden both as a food source for all those mouths and something for my in-laws to enjoy and work on.
Now, if only I could find a job....for those not keeping track that figures out 9 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms, not including the American in-laws guest house.
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