GOD'S FAVORITE HAUNT

There had been a period in my life when I was like the girl in the story below who felt that inorder to find God and be with Him I should isolate myself from the people and the world. I soon realized that I did not have to be a hermit nor a cloistered nun to be close to Jesus.

The Lord obviously has called me to be in the world among His creatures, with a family to take cared of, and to make a difference in their lives. And this I continue to do in my own little ways and in accordance with His Will for me.

GOD'S FAVORITE HAUNT [1]
By Fr. Nil Guillemette, S.J.

MONA WAS an innately withdrawn young woman who enjoyed nothing more than being by herself. She could spend hours alone in her room, lost in her thoughts or intent on study or prayer. This latter occupation was something she had taken up only in recent months. Not that she was ever ungodly. In fact, she had always had a pious streak in her character. But this had greatly developed of late, namely since her brother had died in an accident. This tragedy had brought her closer to God. She had taken up daily meditation and had found great consolation in prayer. So much so that she could spend hours in solitary prayer, away from the hustle and bustle of human affairs, content to commune with God.

But one day something strange happened to Mona. Her prayer became suddenly very dry and distracted. What before had been a delight became a burden almost overnight. Of course the young woman had previously experienced some dry spells in her prayer, even desolation at times. These she had taken in stride with a fine courage, knowing full well that they were precious opportunities for self-detachment and for growth in pure love of God. But this new experience was something else. This was an unrelieved barrenness of mind and heart which had lasted now for well over a month. Try as she may, she had the impression that God was totally absent from her life, that she had been completely abandoned by God.

One day, in a paroxysm of despair she fell on her knees and cried out in her prayer, "Where are you, God?"

And, at that moment, she heard with utter clarity an inner voice saying, "Mona, leave your room, go outside and you will find me."

The young woman stood up immediately and ran into the street. Where would she go, she wondered. After some hesitation she decided to head for the nearest church.

"Surely," she thought, "God is waiting for me in a church."

On her way there she met a group of friends. These were in high spirits and hailed her merrily.

"Hey, Mona! We're going to the market. Come along with us!"

But Mona would have none of that: she was far too intent on finding God.

"Sorry," she answered, "but I'm very busy right now." And she hurried off in the direction of the church.

When she arrived at the church, she knelt down and waited for God to manifest himself. She did not know what to expect, but on the strength of the inner voice she had heard in her room she was sure that God would come to her in one way or another, either in a great consolation or in a vision or by some other means. And so she waited confidently.

Time passed., After a long while her knees began to hurt. So she decided to sit down. An hour passed and nothing happened. The young woman's confidence began to waver. Had she misunderstood God? Another hour passed and still nothing happened. By now Mona's confidence was completely shattered. Something had gone wrong. What was it?

"Where are you, Lord?" she prayed in despair.
Then a sudden thought occurred to her. God had said, "Go outside, and you will find me." Perhaps he meant to be found literally outside, that is in the open air, in nature. If that were the case, it would explain why Mona could not find Him inside a church. This logic struck her with such force that she then and there decided to leave the church and head for the countryside. So off she went.

In the outskirts of the town she met another group of friends. They called out to her, "Hey Mona! Come with us, we're going to the market." But Mona declined with a mumbled excuse and hastened toward the countryside.

There the young woman found a beautiful spot on the top of a hill from where she had a marvelous view of the entire landscape.

"Surely," she thought, "God will manifest himself here in the majesty of the nature he created." And she sat down to wait.

Again time passed and nothing happened. After an hour Mona became restless.

"Please God," she prayed, "have pity on me. I've been waiting for so long to find you, don't disappoint me this time."

"Another hour passed, and still nothing happened. By now the sun was going down in the horizon, and Mona grew desperate.

"Where, oh where is God?" she questioned frantically. And in her anguish she began to think of death. Was life worth living if one was unable to find God?

The thought of death soon became overpowering. And just then an extraordinary insight flashed in her mind: was not death what the inner voice heard in her room had referred to? "Go outside, and you will find me." Until then she had interpreted the word "outside" literally. But suppose it was meant to be taken figuratively? Suppose it meant: outside of life?
As Mona turned these thoughts over and over in her feverish mind, the idea of committing suicide soon blotted out all other thought. If ever she were to find God, she reasoned, it would be by meeting him through death. This conclusion seemed so inescapable that she forthwith stood up and began to walk toward the river. Her intention was to jump from the bridge and drown herself.

On her way to the river she met another group of jovial friends. "Come, Mona." they shouted as she passed by, "We're all going to the market. They say there's a circus in town."

But the girl hastened on instead without a backward glance. She was on her way to meet God.

When she got to the bridge, she had a moment's hesitation. The water seemed so cold and dark... But then she remembered the urgency of the voice heard in her room. As an echo rumbling in a deep well the words of the voice reverberated in her mind, "Go outside... go outside... go outside..." That was enough to overcome her reluctance. And, without any further consideration, she threw herself into the water.

Fortunately, a man was fishing from a boat anchored under the bridge, hidden from Mona's view. This man promptly rescued her even before she could lose consciousness. In a matter of minutes she was sitting on the bank of the river, drenched but safe and sound. The cold water had somewhat calmed down the young woman's religious over-excitement. Obviously the miraculous intervention of the fisherman was a clear sign that God did not want her dead.

Mona sighed. "What now?" she thought. Dejectedly, she set off for home.

Back in her room she dropped on a chair, drained of any feeling except for a dull ache in her heart. Soon this feeling welled up into a bitter resentment at God. Had the inner voice telling her to find God outside her room been an illusion? If so, how could God have allowed her to be so deluded all the while she was seeking him so earnestly? These and other similar thoughts began to whirl in her head. Finally she cried out in despair, "Please Lord, tell me where I can find you!"

All of a sudden a great calm came over her. And then she distinctly heard the same inner voice which had spoken to her earlier in the day. Now it spoke in a tone of gentle reproach.

"You cannot find me, Mona? Yet I have already told you on three occasions where you can find me."

This time the young woman was aghast. "Where is that, Lord?" she asked in utter dismay.

"Why, at the market place of course. Three times I summoned you there through the invitation of your friends."

This was too much for Mona.

"But why the market place?" she inquired incredulously.

"Because," pursued the gentle voice, "I am always present where people flock. After all, I am their shepherd."

Early the next day Mona went to the market place. As usual it was dirty, noisy and teeming with a boisterous crowd. But, for the first time in her life, the solitary girl did not mind. She knew God was there.

End Notes

1. Fr. Nil Guillemette, S. J, "Greater Than Our Hearts - God Tales for Young and Old", St. Paul Publications, 1989: chapter 23, pp. 105-109

2. I have Fr. Nil's permission to use his stories via his letter to me dated Feb. 10, 2001: "In answer to your letter of Feb. 1, which I received yesterday, I gladly give you permission to use my stories in your bible sharings. However, in order to discourage any illegal pirating from unscrupulous readers, please always add the proper reference (author, publisher, book, pages, etc.). "