When Will This Feeling Go Away?!

I haven't lived with my ex for almost two years... I don't even have a joint bank account with Josh (who is really good with money by the way!) and yet I still get a sinking feeling every time I check my bank account. I hate it. I'm the only one who spends money on that account. I know exactly how much is in there... So why do I dread checking it? I literally get a sick feeling in the pit of my